The title of this post translates as pick yourself up and dust yourself up, the lyrics of a famous Shakira song. I have always felt that blogs should be poignantly honest and should help the blogger to express themselves. I want my blogs to help me work through my problems and experiences and in doing so perhaps help others with what they face.
So this is a dance blog and as such I shall talk about dance. I would today like to talk about a huge set-back that completely derailed me, made me question my future and my entire being. Sit back, buckle up and we shall begin...
A few years ago the International Society for the Teachers of Dance added an Indian Classical Dance faculty to their already impressive list. The faculty conducts grade examinations in Bharatanatyam and Kathak, those being the most commonly taught forms of Indian classical dance in the UK. Sometime last year I took Grade 1 Bharatanatyam and passed with a distinction of 94%. Now I'm not saying that to boast but for context as you'll soon see. When I came back to my regular class after a two month gap the two girls at the same level as me were preparing for Grade 3, skipping Grade 2. Originally I wanted to sit both grades but in the end I just went for grade 3 with the others.
To cut a long story short I spent weeks working on my file and I attended both grade 1, 2 and 3 classes but it wasn't enough. The examiner said that my folder wasn't detailed enough, the adavus and items should have been written out with tala. I was told my knowledge of different adavus wasn't in-depth enough. I hadn't practiced enough to build up stamina and I made a lot of mistakes in the performance. My araimandi was almost non-existant towards the end of the performance. We were expecting to be given a jathi and fit an adavu to it, but we were actually given two jathis and expected to fit an adavu to it, which I think I eventually managed to do but it took a while. I do feel that some parts of the exam weren't particularly fair however I am fully aware that I was terribly underprepared and that I am entirely to blame, I was over confident.
The disastrous exam had a massive effect on me, especially because everyone knew how well I'd done at grade 1 and were all expecting the same for grade 3. it completely knocked me. I felt somewhat disgusted at myself because at that point dance was my life, it was all I thought about and I felt like I had insulted it. I was ashamed of myself for having done so badly and I just wanted to apologise to the examiner for having wasted her time. I decided I wouldn't touch dance for a while. I wouldn't watch dance videos, or listen to carnatic music, or practice. I cut myself off from dance entirely for about 2 weeks.
I'm currently in Luxembourg, I have Summer job here. I've been here a week or so over a month and I have 10 days or so left before I go home, I decided to use this time as a break from dance. Not entirely just no practice, no class, no pressure. So far I've decided a couple of things; firstly no more exams, I don't want any pressure, dance should be for enjoyment and exams don't allow me to enjoy it. Secondly, I don't want to teach dance, to teach you need to really know all the theory. Right now in my life I am content to perform, to learn items and to delve into theory as and when it comes up. Lastly, I would still like to work towards an arangetram but slowly and at my own pace. Dance isn't going anywhere, there is no need to rush.
So I'm going to get back up again, dust myself off and just enjoy dance. Dance shall be my passion, to an extent my freedom, but it is one of many things in my life and I don't want it to overtake all of those things ever again.
So welcome back to pour la joie de la danse, I shall be writing here regularly again and happy dancing!
So this is a dance blog and as such I shall talk about dance. I would today like to talk about a huge set-back that completely derailed me, made me question my future and my entire being. Sit back, buckle up and we shall begin...
A few years ago the International Society for the Teachers of Dance added an Indian Classical Dance faculty to their already impressive list. The faculty conducts grade examinations in Bharatanatyam and Kathak, those being the most commonly taught forms of Indian classical dance in the UK. Sometime last year I took Grade 1 Bharatanatyam and passed with a distinction of 94%. Now I'm not saying that to boast but for context as you'll soon see. When I came back to my regular class after a two month gap the two girls at the same level as me were preparing for Grade 3, skipping Grade 2. Originally I wanted to sit both grades but in the end I just went for grade 3 with the others.
To cut a long story short I spent weeks working on my file and I attended both grade 1, 2 and 3 classes but it wasn't enough. The examiner said that my folder wasn't detailed enough, the adavus and items should have been written out with tala. I was told my knowledge of different adavus wasn't in-depth enough. I hadn't practiced enough to build up stamina and I made a lot of mistakes in the performance. My araimandi was almost non-existant towards the end of the performance. We were expecting to be given a jathi and fit an adavu to it, but we were actually given two jathis and expected to fit an adavu to it, which I think I eventually managed to do but it took a while. I do feel that some parts of the exam weren't particularly fair however I am fully aware that I was terribly underprepared and that I am entirely to blame, I was over confident.
The disastrous exam had a massive effect on me, especially because everyone knew how well I'd done at grade 1 and were all expecting the same for grade 3. it completely knocked me. I felt somewhat disgusted at myself because at that point dance was my life, it was all I thought about and I felt like I had insulted it. I was ashamed of myself for having done so badly and I just wanted to apologise to the examiner for having wasted her time. I decided I wouldn't touch dance for a while. I wouldn't watch dance videos, or listen to carnatic music, or practice. I cut myself off from dance entirely for about 2 weeks.
I'm currently in Luxembourg, I have Summer job here. I've been here a week or so over a month and I have 10 days or so left before I go home, I decided to use this time as a break from dance. Not entirely just no practice, no class, no pressure. So far I've decided a couple of things; firstly no more exams, I don't want any pressure, dance should be for enjoyment and exams don't allow me to enjoy it. Secondly, I don't want to teach dance, to teach you need to really know all the theory. Right now in my life I am content to perform, to learn items and to delve into theory as and when it comes up. Lastly, I would still like to work towards an arangetram but slowly and at my own pace. Dance isn't going anywhere, there is no need to rush.
So I'm going to get back up again, dust myself off and just enjoy dance. Dance shall be my passion, to an extent my freedom, but it is one of many things in my life and I don't want it to overtake all of those things ever again.
So welcome back to pour la joie de la danse, I shall be writing here regularly again and happy dancing!
